1. At liquor store. Drunk. Going to try not to get naked in public but can't make any promises.
2. Pornography has outtakes. Never have I laughed so hard while masturbating.
3. I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself or others... I can run the cash register at the Gas-n-Sip.
4. We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
5. The fact that I fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
1. He always grinds on me like, "This is awesome because we're both angels".
2. God, i miss you. I would like very much to have sexual intercourse with you right now. I'm home packing salt rounds.
3. We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
4. You poured your drink on yourself and then said, "It's not a party 'till I'm wet"
5. The angle I tried to shoot a load on his face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the Tombstone tribute he had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
2 I knew he had given me something when I told you I was a dog and ate all the Frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the label.
3. On the ladder of human experience, I've gone a rung up from 'lying in the fetal position on the shower floor' to 'showering with all the lights out in the dark'.
4. He told me that I have a "cute deer in the headlights look", and that it's what made showing his penis to me for the first time so disconcerting.
5. Decided to make a porno with gummy bears and the night has only gotten worse from there.
1. I remember telling him that the strippers were "nice people".
2. There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this and yet I did it anyway.
3. Do you ever feel like rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
4. I got punched in the face, dropped my laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke your lamp. I fixed it. I just wanted you to inform you that I will no longer be drinking alcohol.
5. Sorry, I didn’t mean to call you. I was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name.
1. I accidentally drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
2. You act like breakfast cereal isn't an entirely appropriate chaser.
3. Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
4. I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. I've never loved anyone more.
5. [ fwd from dean winchester ] SURPRISE! You have been smacked by the CHRISTMAS COCK MONSTER right in your face! *THWACK* There’s just ONE rule. You can’t cock slap someone that has already cock slapped you!! Try to cock slap as many as possible before they cock slap you. I have already smacked you in your face, so you can’t cock slap me. Good luck!
1. there COULD be a gas leak in the bunker... 2. i'm eating PB&J in the bathtub. i'm meant to be alone. 3. theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and allowing them to penetrate you anally. however, happiness doesn't come often, so i'll take what i can get. 4. i asked for a steak knife, but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea. 5. he came whilst we were making out fully clothed. 6. I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
1. sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying because the music playing from the radio sounds so beautiful. 2. i want to touch your soul through your body. 3. the pine trees are waving at me. 4. he suggested a game called "strip poker", where i believe the objective is to remove all of your clothing 5. he tried to get me to come inside, but i insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty". i'm feeling quite regretful about it. 6. you're not supposed to drink alcohol out of the bottle?
1. And you didn't burst into flames? 2. Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was, shit, the apocalypse, but then I remembered our motel is next to a church. This might be a rough day. 3. I bought him a shirt that says "Daddy's Little Angel". 4. I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila. 5. Things overheard from the next room over: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore" 6. Yes, he's very polite. He's also been possessed by the devil.
1. are you sure the monkey wasn't also inebriated? 2. lost my clothes. 3. false alarm. still immortal. 4. i was letting my nose bleed into his hands. 5. he very plainly demonstrated why humans are the only great ape to evolve not to need a penile bone, but i don't think he appreciated my commentary on the matter. 6. sorry i peed on your everything.
1. You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub. Best Friends For Life. 2. you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small 3. Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put in his place. 4. He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me? 5. Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
1. I feel like my life has been one 5 billion year long episode of "I shouldn't be alive" 2. Don't let the fact that he's seen my penis discourage you. 3. You're not supposed to drink alcohol straight from the bottle? 4. He came on his own face... and then he freaked out.
1. i don't mind that he's uncircumcised. i like it. it's like a little sweater. 2. sorry i peed on your everything. 3. dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face. 4. he’s nice to me when i’m over. like he lets me sit on his car and always makes sure i cum.
1. i don't mind that he's uncircumcised. i like it. it's like a little sweater. 2. i just ate a handful of salt i thought this was a good idea. 3. are you opposed to me trying out your penis? 4. dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
1. I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well". 2. He duct taped me to the wall, put a cowboy hat on my head, and started taking pictures. 3. Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. 4. Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them.
1. I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it. 2. so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that 3. What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business. 4. He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my pocket. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt. 5. You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
1. I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it. 2. If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me. 3. Well, I would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus. 4. I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society. 5. As it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
1. I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well". 2. We were about to have sex and then I said "you can touch my penis" and he laughed too hard to do anything. No second date. 3. I don't remember what I was saying but one moment I was crying and the next I was showing you my genitals. 4. Now I start crying every time I masturbate, which is a fun development. 5. Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them. 6. Little spoons don't ask big questions.
1. Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in your car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth. it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man. 2. I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death 3. Youre never gonna wash the desperation outta that sweatshirt you know. 4. I gave him a BJ in the shower. I fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there.
1. I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. 2. My life has just been one long episode of "I shouldn't be alive." 3. I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well". 4. It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" 5. I know that God is laughing at me.
1. I don't really want to explain to you right now but I just ate laundry detergent 2. Disadvantage of being an angel..... my gag reflex makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult. 3. I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of pork rinds. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well". 4. It was so romantic. 😊😊😩🥰💕🌇😳🐾 He turned me around to face the sunset during "doggy-style" over the couch back. 🐕🦺🫂💗💗💗
1. He sent me a text this morning: "You would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on your face then randomly start running full sprint towards white castle. We'd catch you and you'd promise to stop so we'd let you go and you'd do it again." Is this true. 2. Just watching the holiday fireplace channel. The space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over. 3. Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them. 4. Is "dick in a box" a traditional gift? 🤔❓
1. He gave me some pill and I was on all fours demanding chips from the dog bowl. 2. I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila and cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry" 3. It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me 4. I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical 5. Made out with him while he was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
1. and then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow. it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow. 2. Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint. 3. When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Dean". My phones an asshole. 4. Doing a small happy dance because my cocaine successfully went through checkpoint security.
1. I would take any job that only requires me to follow simple, straightforward instructions. Life is complicated enough as it is. 2. I subsist on a steady diet of coffee and alcohol, and I'm fine. 3. Angelic choirs. The endless, droning song. No commercials. Sometimes I miss it. 4. I could perform fellatio on myself, but I'm not sure how that's relevant to the conversation.
1. Yes, I give him platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship. 2. I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you. 3. Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting? 4. Well, I would have come with you, but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
1. i found half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy. 2. you know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own underwear to wipe cum off your face. 3. my condoms might be a little small for you but hey, a small sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold, right? 4. don't be embarrassed. It's me, I've licked your taint.
1. I sent the Jehovah's Witness away in tears. Do you think God is laughing? 2. It's not ok to announce to a group of people that a man put his finger in your butt last night. I now know this. 3. I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself or others... I'm very pop-culture savvy. 4. Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this? 5. He told me that I have a "cute deer in the headlights look", and that it's what made showing his penis to me for the first time so disconcerting.
1. Decided to make a porno with gummy bears. But then I ate the gummy bears. :( 2. the pine trees are waving at me. 3. he suggested a game called "strip poker", where i believe the objective of is to remove all your clothing 4.
1. I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of pork rinds. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well". 2. Blood and glitter go together, right? 3. 16 and pregnant actually makes me very happy that I'm gay. 4. It didn't occur to me "doggy style" might be sexual terminology. 5. It's not ok to announce to a group of people that a man put his finger in your rear last night. I now know this.
1. he came on my face and then wiped his thumb across my brow while reciting a quote from "The Lion King" 2. I said "you can touch my penis" and he started laughing to hard to continue. 3. 1. I don't really want to explain to you right now but I just ate laundry detergent 4. Now I start crying every time I masturbate, which is a fun development. 5. He sent me a text this morning: "You would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on your face then randomly start running full sprint towards white castle. We'd catch you and you'd promise to stop so we'd let you go and you'd do it again." Is this true.
1. You passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and eight times moving from the bathroom to your bed. No more tequila. 2. My very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block. 3. You said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes. 4. Stop falling asleep in the bathtub. You are not a movie star, you cannot die that way. 5. Your dog has my underwear. If you could please ask him to give them back.
1. Just watching the holiday fireplace channel. The space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. 2. I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk 3. At the end of the night I was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost 4. I got punched in the face, dropped my laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke your lamp. I fixed it. I just wanted you to inform you. 5. The fact that I fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night 6. At liquor store. Drunk. Going to try not to get naked in public but can't make any promises.
1. nice try, but i doubt my oedipus complex will earn you many points in court 2. yes. all good. good email you sent 3. what even is bacon ultimately 4. i hate you get better soon 5. in my life there are. NO GOOD SIGNS! only death and destruction! night night
1. other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine. 2. nice try, but i doubt my electra complex will earn you many points in court 3. I woke to find I'd sent 115 texts, all asking some variation of 'do you love me??' 4. I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk. 5. it's not ok to announce to a group of people that a man put his finger in your butt last night. I now know this.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
castiel ✞ spn ✞ m/m
2. Blood and glitter go together, right?
3. 16 and pregnant actually makes me very happy that I'm gay.
4. I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk.
5. It's not ok to announce to a group of people that a man put his finger in your butt last night. I now know this.
castiel ✞ spn ✞ m/m
2. There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
3. the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
4. I think I fell in love with him when I saw him kick a demon in the chest.
5. please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
castiel ✞ spn ✞ m/m
2. What's the protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
3. There are too many euphemisms.
4. I sent the Jehovah's Witness away in tears. Do you think God is laughing?
5. 16 and pregnant actually makes me very happy that I'm gay.
no subject
2. Pornography has outtakes. Never have I laughed so hard while masturbating.
3. I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself or others... I can run the cash register at the Gas-n-Sip.
4. We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
5. The fact that I fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
no subject
2. I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
3. Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
4. Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
5. IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
castiel ✞ spn ✞ m/m
2. God, i miss you. I would like very much to have sexual intercourse with you right now. I'm home packing salt rounds.
3. We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
4. You poured your drink on yourself and then said, "It's not a party 'till I'm wet"
5. The angle I tried to shoot a load on his face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the Tombstone tribute he had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
[ misfires/wrong numbers welcome! ♥ ]
endverse!castiel ✞ spn ✞ m/m
2. he figured out i could suck my own cock and somehow i spent most of the night blowing myself. not a bad evening
3. i just walked into the kitchen and chuck was having a serious conversation. with himself.
4. today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day
5. i gave them both handjobs at the same time. felt like I was skiing
castiel ✞ spn ✞ m/m
2. Was having sex with Dean last night when his brother walked in... We kept going.
3. I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea.
4. I woke to find I'd sent 115 texts, all asking some variation of 'do you love me??'
5. My ending up in the fetal position in the shower is becoming far too commonplace.
endverse!castiel ✞ spn ✞ m/m
2. He made me put on my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What a charmer, huh?
3. I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
4. doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
5. if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and pot
no subject
2. He told me I should wear a sign that says "I like cheap gas station food and anal". I like PB&Js, too.
3. I woke up without pants, but my shirt was still on and fully buttoned. Curious.
4. Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
5. doing the laundry. I am at least a responsible drunk
«the end» castiel † spn † m/m
2. want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
3. Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch.
4. Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
5. was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
castiel † spn † m/m
2 I knew he had given me something when I told you I was a dog and ate all the Frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the label.
3. On the ladder of human experience, I've gone a rung up from 'lying in the fetal position on the shower floor' to 'showering with all the lights out in the dark'.
4. He told me that I have a "cute deer in the headlights look", and that it's what made showing his penis to me for the first time so disconcerting.
5. Decided to make a porno with gummy bears and the night has only gotten worse from there.
castiel † spn † m/m
2. There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this and yet I did it anyway.
3. Do you ever feel like rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
4. I got punched in the face, dropped my laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke your lamp. I fixed it. I just wanted you to inform you that I will no longer be drinking alcohol.
5. Sorry, I didn’t mean to call you. I was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name.
castiel † spn † m/m
2. You act like breakfast cereal isn't an entirely appropriate chaser.
3. Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
4. I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. I've never loved anyone more.
5. [ fwd from dean winchester ]
SURPRISE!
You have been smacked by the CHRISTMAS COCK MONSTER right in your face! *THWACK* There’s just ONE rule. You can’t cock slap someone that has already cock slapped you!! Try to cock slap as many as possible before they cock slap you. I have already smacked you in your face, so you can’t cock slap me. Good luck!
/ イ (((ヽ
( ノ ￣Y \
| ( \ (. /) | )
ヽ ヽ ` ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _ノ /
＼ | ⌒Ｙ⌒ / /
| ヽ | ﾉ ／
＼トー仝ーイ
| ミ土彡/
) \ ° /
( \ / )
/ / ѼΞΞΞΞΞΞΞD
/ / /
no subject
2. i'm eating PB&J in the bathtub. i'm meant to be alone.
3. theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and allowing them to penetrate you anally. however, happiness doesn't come often, so i'll take what i can get.
4. i asked for a steak knife, but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea.
5. he came whilst we were making out fully clothed.
6. I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
broken!castiel • spn
2. i want to touch your soul through your body.
3. the pine trees are waving at me.
4. he suggested a game called "strip poker", where i believe the objective is to remove all of your clothing
5. he tried to get me to come inside, but i insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty". i'm feeling quite regretful about it.
6. you're not supposed to drink alcohol out of the bottle?
jimmy novak • spn
2. Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was, shit, the apocalypse, but then I remembered our motel is next to a church. This might be a rough day.
3. I bought him a shirt that says "Daddy's Little Angel".
4. I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
5. Things overheard from the next room over: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
6. Yes, he's very polite. He's also been possessed by the devil.
castiel (s7ep21~23) • spn
2. lost my clothes.
3. false alarm. still immortal.
4. i was letting my nose bleed into his hands.
5. he very plainly demonstrated why humans are the only great ape to evolve not to need a penile bone, but i don't think he appreciated my commentary on the matter.
6. sorry i peed on your everything.
castiel (s5ep4) • spn
2. you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
3. Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put in his place.
4. He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
5. Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
castiel • spn
2. Don't let the fact that he's seen my penis discourage you.
3. You're not supposed to drink alcohol straight from the bottle?
4. He came on his own face... and then he freaked out.
broken!castiel【s7ep21~23】• spn
2. sorry i peed on your everything.
3. dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
4. he’s nice to me when i’m over. like he lets me sit on his car and always makes sure i cum.
broken!castiel【s7ep21~23】• spn • m/m
2. i just ate a handful of salt
i thought this was a good idea.
3. are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
4. dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
castiel • spn • m/m
2. He duct taped me to the wall, put a cowboy hat on my head, and started taking pictures.
3. Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat.
4. Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them.
endverse!castiel【s5ep4】• spn
2. so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
3. What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
4. He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my pocket. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt.
5. You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
endverse!castiel【s5ep4】• spn
2. If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
3. Well, I would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
4. I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
5. As it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
castiel • spn • m/m
2. We were about to have sex and then I said "you can touch my penis" and he laughed too hard to do anything. No second date.
3. I don't remember what I was saying but one moment I was crying and the next I was showing you my genitals.
4. Now I start crying every time I masturbate, which is a fun development.
5. Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them.
6. Little spoons don't ask big questions.
endverse!castiel【s5ep4】• spn
2. I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
3. Youre never gonna wash the desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
4. I gave him a BJ in the shower. I fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there.
castiel • spn
2. My life has just been one long episode of "I shouldn't be alive."
3. I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
4. It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?"
5. I know that God is laughing at me.
castiel • spn • m/m
2. Disadvantage of being an angel..... my gag reflex makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
3. I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of pork rinds. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
4. It was so romantic. 😊😊😩🥰💕🌇😳🐾 He turned me around to face the sunset during "doggy-style" over the couch back. 🐕🦺🫂💗💗💗
castiel • spn • m/m
2. Just watching the holiday fireplace channel. The space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
3. Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them.
4. Is "dick in a box" a traditional gift? 🤔❓
endverse!castiel【s5ep4】• spn
2. I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila and cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
3. It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
4. I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
5. Made out with him while he was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
endverse!castiel【s5ep4】• spn
2. Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
3. When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Dean". My phones an asshole.
4. Doing a small happy dance because my cocaine successfully went through checkpoint security.
castiel • spn
2. I subsist on a steady diet of coffee and alcohol, and I'm fine.
3. Angelic choirs. The endless, droning song. No commercials. Sometimes I miss it.
4. I could perform fellatio on myself, but I'm not sure how that's relevant to the conversation.
castiel • spn • m/m
2. I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
3. Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
4. Well, I would have come with you, but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
endverse!castiel【s5ep4】• spn
2. you know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own underwear to wipe cum off your face.
3. my condoms might be a little small for you but hey, a small sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold, right?
4. don't be embarrassed. It's me, I've licked your taint.
castiel • spn
2. It's not ok to announce to a group of people that a man put his finger in your butt last night. I now know this.
3. I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself or others... I'm very pop-culture savvy.
4. Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
5. He told me that I have a "cute deer in the headlights look", and that it's what made showing his penis to me for the first time so disconcerting.
no subject
2. the pine trees are waving at me.
3. he suggested a game called "strip poker", where i believe the objective of is to remove all your clothing
4.
castiel, spn, m/m
2. Blood and glitter go together, right?
3. 16 and pregnant actually makes me very happy that I'm gay.
4. It didn't occur to me "doggy style" might be sexual terminology.
5. It's not ok to announce to a group of people that a man put his finger in your rear last night. I now know this.
no subject
2. I said "you can touch my penis" and he started laughing to hard to continue.
3. 1. I don't really want to explain to you right now but I just ate laundry detergent
4. Now I start crying every time I masturbate, which is a fun development.
5. He sent me a text this morning: "You would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on your face then randomly start running full sprint towards white castle. We'd catch you and you'd promise to stop so we'd let you go and you'd do it again." Is this true.
no subject
2. My very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
3. You said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes.
4. Stop falling asleep in the bathtub. You are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
5. Your dog has my underwear. If you could please ask him to give them back.
castiel ✞ spn
2. I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
3. At the end of the night I was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
4. I got punched in the face, dropped my laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke your lamp. I fixed it. I just wanted you to inform you.
5. The fact that I fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
6. At liquor store. Drunk. Going to try not to get naked in public but can't make any promises.
castiel ✞ supernatural
2. yes. all good. good email you sent
3. what even is bacon ultimately
4. i hate you get better soon
5. in my life there are. NO GOOD SIGNS! only death and destruction! night night
castiel ✞ spn ✞ m/m
2. nice try, but i doubt my electra complex will earn you many points in court
3. I woke to find I'd sent 115 texts, all asking some variation of 'do you love me??'
4. I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk.
5. it's not ok to announce to a group of people that a man put his finger in your butt last night. I now know this.