— duplicity inbox ↻ un:dipshit

[messenger]

this is castiel. leave your message here.

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Comments

[messenger]

we aren't meant to feel at all
i do, after spending time on earth in a vessel, but human emotion is different
it's more powerful and immediate
and overwhelming

[bakudan_bambino]

So you have intense human emotions now and aren't sure how to handle or even identify them?

[messenger]

i don't know how to handle and identify them as they are
but like i said, i'm still an angel
as long as i have my grace (my power) they remain somewhat... muted compared to the alternative
but i lost my grace once, and was briefly mortal
in that time, i felt their full intensity
i didn't enjoy it

[bakudan_bambino]

Oh, well then it's good you have your power?

[messenger]

yes
i can't do much without it
i could barely survive and i was too afraid to fight

[bakudan_bambino]

Does it do anythng else?

[messenger]

well, it makes me what i am, essentially
of course, i'll never stop being an angel, even without my grace
but it connects me to my true form, and in some sense is my true form— or at least a part of it
it's what makes me immortal and impervious to mundane damage
it's the reason i don't have to eat or sleep
and gives me access to all of my powers
it's the closest thing i have to a soul

[bakudan_bambino]

Interesting

[messenger]

unfiltered grace is also deadly
and my true form is, too
though i don't have any reason to shed my vessel at the moment

[bakudan_bambino]

How do you filter it?

[messenger]

as long as it's contained with in my vessel, it's filtered
or... maybe that's not the right word
um. blocked? occluded?
witnessing an angel's pure grace shining out from its true body can cause serious injury
and even death

[bakudan_bambino]

so if the body you’re in were to perish then it would not contain you properly and that could kill people?

[messenger]

technically speaking this body is already dead
but if someone could find a way to force me to vacate it, then yes
it's possible the moment of my flight could cause harm to others accidentally
though looking away and/or closing your eyes is generally enough to protect from the danger it poses

[bakudan_bambino]

I hope no one ever does.

Sunglasses wouldn't work? They don't obscure enough, right?

[messenger]

no, they don't
the light has to be completely blocked
and an angel who is trying to do you harm intentionally can't be warded off just by shutting your eyes
it's only a defense against accidental discharge

[bakudan_bambino]

Why would an angel intentionally try to do harm to a human?

[messenger]

[ ah. that's interesting. the other castiels must not have spoke of this. ]

im actually a... bit of an outcast because of my interest in humans
well, there are a handful of angels who want to do their duty to protect humanity
but most of them resent you, im sorry to say

and my... romantic interest in a human man is considered inappropriate at best

[bakudan_bambino]

[Most conversations he’s had with Castiel don’t seem to make it to this point.]

why do they resent us?

[messenger]

[ castiel finds it easier to focus on the dissemination of facts, versus personal discussion. maybe that's the way to go, with gokudera. with everyone. ]

we were God's first children
you're His favorites

[bakudan_bambino]

[Things would be much easier if Hayato didn’t take so much personally]

Oh so they’re jealous

[messenger]

pretty much

God gave you the Earth and the sky and free will to do with it all as you please
and we were allowed none of it

an angel who used to be part of my garrison spoke as though you didn't deserve the gifts He gave you
it's not how i feel, but it's a common enough sentiment

[bakudan_bambino]

yeah i know you’re an exception

Kinda fucked up and petty to be mad at those who don’t know. Not like we choose the lives we’re given.

Some of us don’t even live long enough to enjoy the ‘gifts’ we’re given.

I guess I’d be mad at God

[messenger]

i don't disagree
but i also have to point out that you have an afterlife
which is something we're also not allowed

some of them are
but what can they do against God?

[bakudan_bambino]

well you don’t have lives to lose, right?

You basically have… forever

Guess it just depends on how content you’d be to live in anger

[messenger]

we can still die
actually, most of us are dead
though this is a recent development
but i would say the essence of what you're saying is true

if the angels were content, both heaven and earth would be better off
i don't think any of us are capable of that