[ he thinks maybe he would like to at least try, but.
he can't imagine how dean feels about all that. dean admitted he can find men attractive, but that's not necessarily the same as wanting to have sex with them.
or actually doing it.
he stares down at the island's silver finish, the kitchen's lights buzzing above. ]
[ he should probably learn to word these things better.
but it's not going to help him now. he freezes. then he nods, seemingly to himself, and sets the bottle still clasped in his clammy hand down. he turns, wooden as a board, and walks stiffly in dean's direction without looking at him.
just a glance. that's all he can manage. the moment their eyes meet, he has to fling his gaze away again.
but he can do as dean asks.
castiel steps up close, one shoe interred between dean's socked feet, and leans into his body with his own. their chests and bellies touch. he doesn't seem to know what to do with his hands, so they hover ineptly, but his chin at least finds residence on dean's shoulder. it resolves itself as an awkward sort of half-hug. so awkward, in fact, that dean might not even be able to figure out that's what he's trying to do. ]
[ well this is the weirdest hug he’s ever deceived. Little different than when he’d grabbed Cas up in purgatory, but he’s… pretty sure that’s what’s happening here.
He thinks. It’s definitely kind of weird, Cas just leaning in and hooking his chin on Dean’s shoulder. It’s gonna take a second for him to put it all together, but he does in the end. He’s smart.
So Dean’s hands drop to fumble for Cas’, lift them up and guide them around his waist before he awkwardly shuffles them free and wraps his own around the angels shoulders. ]
he knew what he was looking for, but not necessarily how to achieve it. of course he knows the mechanics of an embrace, but to actually do it— to be the one to initiate contact— there are long lists of unspoken rules, and he doesn't know any of them.
but this. this is good. dean's arms are warm. his chest and his belly are warm through the front of his shirt. he can feel the buttons of his flannel, several small impressions in a row. he can feel the way dean's body moves when he breathes, and his heartbeat.
castiel closes his eyes. he tilts his temple against dean's throat.
[ It’s nice. Cas is warm, he’s solid. He feels good.
It could have all so easily been written off as a dude hug if they hadn’t already had certain conversations. There’s no writing it off now - they’ve said too much for Dean to walk it back.
His heart hammers in his chest, wild against his rib cage. Swallowing, he lets his palm smooth over Cas’ back, pass between his shoulder blades and down his spine, resting above the curve of his ass. Not going there yet. ]
[ castiel hums. it is. nice. he hopes that this action is a suitable illustration of his desires. he's aware there might be something lost in translation. an embrace can be shared between people who have all manner of relationship, non-romantic and non-sexual. and dean has even done it to him on past occasion. but there are different kinds of embraces, he believes, and some are only appropriate with certain people. perhaps this is his way of testing that theory, as their embrace lingers to a length where he's pretty certain it would be considered "awkward" if it weren't for those previously mentioned conversations.
(no, no. it's still awkward.)
but after a certain point, they're no longer hugging, exactly. sooner or later dean will have to admit that this is breaching cuddle territory. ]
[ It’s fine, they’re just… cuddling standing up. Not weird at all. Just two guys.
Totally normal, totally chill. Super straight things.
Except it’s not, and Cas loves him and Dean kinda wants to cry because people just don’t feel that way about him. It’s not normal and he doesn’t want it to be. Cas is warm and he feels good and Dean’s grip tightens before slowly, carefully easing back.
He doesn’t let go, though. He keeps his hands on Cas’ shoulders, their foreheads pressed together, his eyes closed. ]
Any, uh. Any other examples you wanna share with the class?
[ it's quite a strange thing, to be so close to dean and feel welcome. it's not something that could have happened a year ago. he didn't know that he wanted it, and dean wouldn't have accepted it. the circumstances were all wrong, anyway. everything was falling apart. somewhere, everything is still falling apart. here, though, the bubble won't burst.
these circumstances are...
he doesn't know what to call them. an opportunity.
he watches dean from up close. his eyes don't lose focus, even when dean's face is only inches away. it would be easy to kiss him, but he doesn't for now. ]
[ He’s absently sliding his palms up and down Cas’ shoulders now, enjoying the feel of him underneath his hands.
The bed, though. That gives his hands pause. It’s intimate. Maybe more than a kiss. Course, Cas isn’t asking to fuck, just to share the bed and they were basically just cuddling, so there’s not a lot of difference between standing and laying down. Right? ]
Only if you take your shoes off. No shoes in the bed.
[ in the ether, his wings stretch and spread into big broad arcs to accommodate the feeling of being touched, the little sparks of sensation like pinpricks where his humerus meets the shoulder socket. one small bridge between his physical and true self, and dean's hands keep passing through it. again and again.
he misses being able to fly as far and as fast as he can. he misses circling the earth and meeting the sun over the horizon line. he misses the stars, and the vacuum between them. he misses the quiet hum of cosmic background radiation, and the way he could have almost become one with the vibration.
his wings fold down against his back, and he reluctantly pulls himself away to grab the six pack by the handle. ]
he can't have the sky, but he can have dean. almost as though in exchange, it seems. dean smiles at him, and his face lightens, lips twitching into something that isn't quite a smile, but isn't his usual frown, either.
[ shouldn't be doing that? what ever could you mean? castiel is unabashedly watching dean's shameless display, though he's intelligent enough not to comment. it would be best to mirror dean, he decides, and so he takes off his coat and hangs it up, and then he sheds his suit jacket, and then his pants are being unfastened too. unlike dean's jeans, they don't exactly cling around the hips, and the moment his belt is undone they collapse in surrender to the floor, leaving him standing there in his white shirt and jimmy's tighty-whities.
[ he watches dean (paying particular attention to his thighs...) and then mimics him, scooting up the bed and tugging back the blanket so they can both get underneath. ]
does he? that's the problem. he just doesn't know. he has no point of reference when it comes to the question of modern courtship. he only brought this up because he's pretty sure that dean was sharing a bed with one of the last castiels. ]
What kind of things would you consider customary to do with a partner, Dean?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Huh. Okay.
[ a little. ]
So you’re saying you kiss on the first date?
no subject
[ what.
what.
uh.
what? ]
I'm not. I didn't mean. I— I wasn't talking about. Sex. Specifically.
[ oh boy.
he steps to the side, toward the table where he left the six pack sitting.
he gets another bottle out and pops the cap. then he chugs the rest of the first bottle before starting on the second. ]
no subject
[ W H O O P S.
he is bright fucking red. ]
What did you mean then?
no subject
he keeps darting glances dean's direction. ]
Not that I'm opposed to— to—
[ he thinks maybe he would like to at least try, but.
he can't imagine how dean feels about all that. dean admitted he can find men attractive, but that's not necessarily the same as wanting to have sex with them.
or actually doing it.
he stares down at the island's silver finish, the kitchen's lights buzzing above. ]
Non-sexual physical intimacy.
no subject
[ sure as fuck misread THAT one. ]
Like, uh. Like what? Cmere and give me an example.
[ this is fine ]
no subject
but it's not going to help him now. he freezes. then he nods, seemingly to himself, and sets the bottle still clasped in his clammy hand down. he turns, wooden as a board, and walks stiffly in dean's direction without looking at him.
just a glance. that's all he can manage. the moment their eyes meet, he has to fling his gaze away again.
but he can do as dean asks.
castiel steps up close, one shoe interred between dean's socked feet, and leans into his body with his own. their chests and bellies touch. he doesn't seem to know what to do with his hands, so they hover ineptly, but his chin at least finds residence on dean's shoulder. it resolves itself as an awkward sort of half-hug. so awkward, in fact, that dean might not even be able to figure out that's what he's trying to do. ]
no subject
He thinks. It’s definitely kind of weird, Cas just leaning in and hooking his chin on Dean’s shoulder. It’s gonna take a second for him to put it all together, but he does in the end. He’s smart.
So Dean’s hands drop to fumble for Cas’, lift them up and guide them around his waist before he awkwardly shuffles them free and wraps his own around the angels shoulders. ]
no subject
he knew what he was looking for, but not necessarily how to achieve it. of course he knows the mechanics of an embrace, but to actually do it— to be the one to initiate contact— there are long lists of unspoken rules, and he doesn't know any of them.
but this. this is good. dean's arms are warm. his chest and his belly are warm through the front of his shirt. he can feel the buttons of his flannel, several small impressions in a row. he can feel the way dean's body moves when he breathes, and his heartbeat.
castiel closes his eyes. he tilts his temple against dean's throat.
he lets himself enjoy it. ]
no subject
It could have all so easily been written off as a dude hug if they hadn’t already had certain conversations. There’s no writing it off now - they’ve said too much for Dean to walk it back.
His heart hammers in his chest, wild against his rib cage. Swallowing, he lets his palm smooth over Cas’ back, pass between his shoulder blades and down his spine, resting above the curve of his ass. Not going there yet. ]
‘S nice.
no subject
(no, no. it's still awkward.)
but after a certain point, they're no longer hugging, exactly. sooner or later dean will have to admit that this is breaching cuddle territory. ]
no subject
Totally normal, totally chill. Super straight things.
Except it’s not, and Cas loves him and Dean kinda wants to cry because people just don’t feel that way about him. It’s not normal and he doesn’t want it to be. Cas is warm and he feels good and Dean’s grip tightens before slowly, carefully easing back.
He doesn’t let go, though. He keeps his hands on Cas’ shoulders, their foreheads pressed together, his eyes closed. ]
Any, uh. Any other examples you wanna share with the class?
no subject
these circumstances are...
he doesn't know what to call them. an opportunity.
he watches dean from up close. his eyes don't lose focus, even when dean's face is only inches away. it would be easy to kiss him, but he doesn't for now. ]
... Could we share the bed.
no subject
The bed, though. That gives his hands pause. It’s intimate. Maybe more than a kiss. Course, Cas isn’t asking to fuck, just to share the bed and they were basically just cuddling, so there’s not a lot of difference between standing and laying down. Right? ]
Only if you take your shoes off. No shoes in the bed.
no subject
[ in the ether, his wings stretch and spread into big broad arcs to accommodate the feeling of being touched, the little sparks of sensation like pinpricks where his humerus meets the shoulder socket. one small bridge between his physical and true self, and dean's hands keep passing through it. again and again.
he misses being able to fly as far and as fast as he can. he misses circling the earth and meeting the sun over the horizon line. he misses the stars, and the vacuum between them. he misses the quiet hum of cosmic background radiation, and the way he could have almost become one with the vibration.
his wings fold down against his back, and he reluctantly pulls himself away to grab the six pack by the handle. ]
Okay.
[ ... now?? yes. he means right now. ]
no subject
He’s gonna have to have another come to jesus with himself later.
His hands fall, and he clears his throat, stepping back and flashes a crooked smile, cheeks pink under constellations of freckles. ]
Okay then. Cmon.
no subject
he can't have the sky, but he can have dean. almost as though in exchange, it seems. dean smiles at him, and his face lightens, lips twitching into something that isn't quite a smile, but isn't his usual frown, either.
in dean's room, he slips out of his shoes. ]
I should take the coat off, too.
[ it's a question framed as a statement.
but it's definitely a question. ]
no subject
Too late, because he’s ass up working them off where they’re caught at his feet, only righting himself when he’s done, unsteady on his feet. ]
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
no subject
castiel blinks exactly once. ]
Your underwear is different from mine.
[ bravo. wonderful deductive work. ]
no subject
[ because lmao.
He stands there awkwardly for a few moments, then resolutely walks over to the bed and sits on the edge. ]
Cmon.
no subject
[ are you saying you want to take off his underwear, dean
but he follows dean to the bed and perches on the edge next to him despite all the questions crowding his mind. ]
no subject
[ oh god don’t he might run screaming ]
Okay, uh. [ He feasts to look at the bed, chewing his lower lip and scoots back, tugging at the blanket. ]
Get under.
no subject
[ he watches dean (paying particular attention to his thighs...) and then mimics him, scooting up the bed and tugging back the blanket so they can both get underneath. ]
no subject
Okay. Um. Any..other examples?
no subject
he stares at dean.
oh. right.
about what he asked for.
does he? that's the problem. he just doesn't know. he has no point of reference when it comes to the question of modern courtship. he only brought this up because he's pretty sure that dean was sharing a bed with one of the last castiels. ]
What kind of things would you consider customary to do with a partner, Dean?
no subject
Uh…things Like if.. you were my new boyfriend?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)